ExLg Exclusive: Obama visits Sturgis!
To counteract John McCain's positive reception at the Sturgis Motorcycle Rally, Democratic candidate Barack Obama decided to attend the massive biker event earlier today. Early reports indicate that it didn't go so well.
Curiously, the mainstream media has honored the Obama campaign's request to embargo all photographs of the visit. Thankfully for the American people, Exurban League has acquired the photos from a hardcore biker who was present at the events. (Thanks again, Stinky Bart!)
Curiously, the mainstream media has honored the Obama campaign's request to embargo all photographs of the visit. Thankfully for the American people, Exurban League has acquired the photos from a hardcore biker who was present at the events. (Thanks again, Stinky Bart!)
| The visit began with a flashy, Berlin-style speech. Seizing the moment, Obama gave the stirring call to action from atop Mount Rushmore. "Together we hope for change. By uniting we can change the future," he said. "Because the future belongs to us. We are the hopeful changers that we have been hoping for." The symbolism of standing on Lincoln's head seemed like a sure winner, but many in the audience were less than impressed. "It don't make no sense," said one unnamed biker. "I mean, if you're gonna go to all that trouble, why not make the stage look like a stovepipe hat?" |  |
| The candidate then bicycled to the town of Sturgis,
shunning the Harleys and choppers of the other attendees. "I want to
set an example for these men and women — you don't need to waste all
these non-renewable fuels," Obama said. He also told several motorcyclists that they should wear helmets and purchase better mufflers for their loud vehicles. "Even five-year-olds know that a helmet is an important safety device," he said. Obama promised to pass nationwide helmet laws and anti-noise ordinances. Obama tried to convince the increasingly hostile crowd. "Some people think it's fine to ride around without proper protection, but there's nothing 'cool' about unsafe behavior!" |  |
| Unfortunately when arriving at a local bar, Obama accidentally knocked over a row of classic Harley motorcycles parked outside. Noticing the menacing looks of the bar patrons, the candidate decided to earn their respect through a dance interpretation of Herb Alpert's "Tequila". Despite a slow start, the charismatic senator eventually won over the crowd. Sadly, they quickly turned on him again after he ordered an arugula and goat cheese salad with a double-soy macchiato. |  |
| Campaign organizers credited Obama's youth and excellent health for helping him to quickly bicycle to his waiting campaign jet. Despite the poor reception, the campaign is convinced they can still win over independent-minded voters like those at Sturgis. "McCain may have done well at Sturgis," Obama said, "but let's see how he does at Burning Man. I can't wait until I make that thing carbon-neutral!" |  |
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8/30/2010 3:54 PM
Exurban Jon's Blog wrote:
Dude, if you're going to look this dorky on a bike, why not just go for the full Pee Wee Herman? (Image re-purposed from here.) ...
Hysterical, ExJon!
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I howled-this is great!
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THE Chris Muir? I'm honored!
(Every other reader should check out his site -- now!)
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I blew coffee when I saw that Tequila pix.
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If you're interested, here's a post laden with satire about The One:
http://exurbanleague.com/2008/07/16/top-ten-ways-to-mock-obama.aspx
Enjoy!
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Carbon-neutral Burning Man! HA! They tried that last year with that 'Green Man' theme.
Didn't really sit well with the huge oil, gasoline and wood fires.
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This is great! I hope you don't mind I placed a link to your site on mine.
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I'm honored, brother. Thank you and God bless!
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